•December 10, 2008 • 1 Comment

 I wrote my first fanfiction in kindergarten. It was called Harry Potter and the Quidditch Match, and it had about three pages of a five year old’s scribblings. But I had made up a plot in my head, and I proudly explained it to my teacher, my friends, my mother, anyone who asked.

Unfortunately, my fanfic writing skills have only gone down hill from there: I’m desperate to be able to write canon characters, but I’m terrified of messing them up, breaking canon, or writing them as ooc. Then I tried my hand ata few original characters. Bad idea. I can’t seem to write a character that’s not a version of myself/who I’d like to be. They all had red hair and/or green eyes, and they were all sarcastic wiseasses with a temper, but a really sweet side too. CAN WE SAY SELF-INSERT MARY SUE? YES WE CAN. Luckily that damn thing never got typed/published.

I still write fanfic in my brain, but I can never get it to work on paper/computer screen. Oh, well. There’s always fanart.

And a here are few words of advice to any future fanfiction writers, be it good!fic or bad!fic.

Slash goggles + plot bunnies = bad idea, so don’t go near a keyboard.

Commas are your friends, so don’t neglect them or abuse them.

The shift key is also your friend, so don’t mistreat it eather.

Mpreg is not cool, a good plot device, interesting, or anything other thanstrange. I’m talking about actual biologically/physically/mentally male people here, not Thomas Beatie. There’s nothing wrong with men wanting to be parents, but mpreg is physically impossible, ridiculous, and nobody will take you seriously.

Do not publish self-inserts. As much fun as they might be to write, they’re not fun to read. If you want to write them, that’s perfectly fine, as long as they stay on your hard drive, and don’t make their way on to the internet.They will be sporked.

Even if your fic is fantastic, there will be bad reviews. It’s the way of the world. Trust me.

Don’t kill off characters for no reason. It gets tiresome and depressing.

Don’t write a Mary Sue. Just… don’t.

For examples of how NOT to write fanfiction, look here.